Friday, November 06, 2009

Hey guys. I know it has, once again, been a few days since my last update. Sorry. I have been going through a lot over the past few weeks. First I would like to thank CreativeEatsYou for the amazing support. I really need it. I have been eating normally, maybe even a little too much, for the past week. I hate it so much. My mind despises it and wants me to stop. Ana is screaming into my ear day and night, begging me to stop. I am finally ready to obey once again. Starting tomorrow I will be going on a 3 day fast. I will need a lot of support. I have created an e-mail account that only my readers will have access to. If you would like to e-mail me to help me get through this, I would really appreciate it. I will also give you any kind of support you need. I am here for you and I hope you will be there for me. You can find the e-mail at the bottom of this entry.
I want to be thin. I want to be able to see by beautiful bones, every single bone. I will not eat. I will not eat. I will not eat. I will hate my body, until it is truely perfect in every single was possible. I will thrive for perfection. I will thrive to be thin. I will refuse the food that calls out to me all hours of the day. I will become perfect. I will die successful and beautiful.
I must go. I apologize for the sketchiness and inconsistency of this entry. My mind is such a blur at the moment.

e-mail for support: thrivingforperfection@yahoo.com
Note: Please do not send me any rude, hurtful, or unsupportive e-mails. You honestly do not understand what I go through, what others go through. And you won't until you go through the pain yourself.

I love you all.
Stay strong, starve on.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Hey guys. I know it has been a few days since my last update, but my life has just been so jumbled that I just didn't have time. First I would like to thank Survival of the Thinnest for the support. I really need it at this point in my life. I feel like everything is going wrong, even the small things in my life. It's not just my trouble with eating, it is everything. Absolutely everything. I feel I don't have any control over my life. My eating has been really bad for the past few weeks, as most of you know. It has continued. I haven't exercised. I have been eating everything I want to eat and everything I don't. I haven't purged one bit of it up. I just want to die. I could really use your support, until I get back on track. Last night I was up crying and thinking to myself. I thought that maybe I am supposed to be fat, so everyone else has something to look at and realize they don't want to look like me. I have so many emotions flowing out at once. I wish I could fill you in on what has been going on. I am really sorry that I can't, but it is for the sake of my identity. You understand, right? I don't want to feel like I am alone in all of this, but the truth is I am alone. I have no one to help me out, no one to support me, no one to just sit by my side and allow me to cry. I hate it so much. Well I am afraid I must make this short.

Stay strong, starve on.
I love you all.

By the way: If you would like to be metioned in my blog like a few others have been, you have to leave me a very supporting comment. That is how the others were mentioned. Thanks. :D


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